


Us

by Gayle_fic



Series: Long Road Ahead [10]
Category: Actor RPF, Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Evanstan - Freeform, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 10:23:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18636232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gayle_fic/pseuds/Gayle_fic
Summary: Chris is starting to realise what he has but it's all a bit too late for Sebastian.





	Us

**Author's Note:**

> This part was much longer, I got carried away so have spilt it into two. 
> 
> Hope you guys like it and thank you so much for reading and any feedback! :)

“Do you remember moving in here?”

Chris looked up from his book briefly as his assistant Megan moved round to the sofa he was sat on, her hands ran over the cushions and picked a bit of lint off the edge.

“You were so excited, you seemed so young and I remember thinking that this place was too big for you, that you would get lost here by yourself.” Megan said as she sat on the arm of the sofa.

Chris looked at her his eyebrow raised and then back at his book before she sighed. Chris took the hint and closed the book.

“What’s wrong Meg?” Chris asked indulging her.

“Nothing.” She said sliding down the arm of the chair to the main seat. “It’s quiet in here don’t you think?”

“I like the quiet.” Chris smiled.

“But it’s too quiet.”

“There is no such thing as too quiet, especially when you are here.” Chris looked at his watch. “Why are you here? I thought you were finished today.”

“John is picking me up soon.” John was Megan’s husband and as much as Chris loved Megan, he felt for John some days.

“How is John?” Chris asked.

“He’s fine.” Megan quickly dismissing that conversation. “How is Jenny?”

Chris huffed in the chair; he now knew where this conversation was going. “She is fine, thank you.”

“Not moved in yet?” Megan made a show of looking round the room. Chris narrowed his eyes at her. “I thought you guys would have been settling down by now it’s been what a year or so?”

“Or so.” Chris replied. He could feel an unease creep over him.

“So, what’s the deal, have you asked her?” Megan was done beating round the bush.

“Meg I don’t want to…”

“Live with her, marry her, have babies?” She cut him off.

“TALK, about it.” Chris clarified.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t, I…”

“If you don’t love her you should tell her.” Megan suddenly stated.

Chris gave her a surprised look and shook his head, “Who said I didn’t love her?”

Megan shrugged, “You’ve never said you do either.”

Chris put his book on the table in front of him and sighed, “You’ve got this from the fact I’ve not asked her to move in with me?”

“No,” Megan smirked, “It’s from seeing you when you aren’t with her. You are happy and relaxed and then when she comes over you brood like a teenage boy.” Chris just pulled a face and shook his head. “It should be the other way around Christopher.”

“I don’t brood.” It was a weak argument, but it was all he had.

“Do you love her?” Megan asked.

Chris couldn’t answer that because the first thing that popped into his head was someone else and not Jenny. Chris opened his mouth to speak but a car horn sounded outside. Thank god John was here.

Megan turned to Chris at the door, “Don’t lead people on Chris it’s a horrible trait.” She pulled him down and kissed his cheek. Chris was both shocked by the comment and by the show of affection, it wasn’t really Megan’s style.

Chris closed the door behind him, he looked round the empty house and pulled out his phone, a tired voice answered.

“Are you free the next couple of days? Will you be home?” Chris asked without a hello.

“I have a couple of things on but I’m at home. Why?” Sebastian replied through a sleepy fog.

“Can I come see you?” Chris asked. Mentally he was working out the logistics, he knew he had nothing on that needed him to be in LA right at that moment, he might have some explaining to do since Jenny had just arrived back from Boston two days earlier, but his gut was telling him he needed to go.

When Chris had landed in New York the following morning his mind was still reeling from the night before, he had told Jenny that he was going to go to New York for a last minute meeting, something that couldn’t be done over the phone. When Jenny had offered to come with him, he had shut down the notion as quickly as he could. He knew she wasn’t happy; he knew that she wouldn’t even have been in LA if he hadn’t been at home that week. He could tell she was suspicious of his reasoning for her not going but he promised her it would be two days max. For being an actor, he was a bad liar especially when he was anxious and lying made him anxious.

Chris was surprised that over the time he had been involved with Sebastian Jenny hadn’t picked up on anything. He had put it down to the fact that they hadn’t been together long enough before things had started for her to notice any difference in his actions. She knew that they were close friends, but lovers was a whole different ball game. 

Lovers didn’t seem the right way to describe what he and Sebastian had. It didn’t sit right with him, he felt it was more and after seeing Sebastian’s anger a few weeks ago on set he knew that both their feelings were bubbling to the surface more and more. Chris felt scared and lost, the only time he didn’t was when he was with Sebastian and that was why he found himself flying across the country.

Sebastian opened the door to Chris with a bright smile and in that moment, Chris felt his heart race and his body relax. He could see Sebastian’s hair was wet from the shower and the wildness of his beard growing out made him melt.

“Hey,” Sebastian said holding he door open.

Chris said nothing he reached out for Sebastian and took his face in his hands and kissed him tentatively. He heard the sigh that left Sebastian and it stirred in his groin. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Sebastian’s. He could feel his emotions bubbling and a lump grew in his throat.

Sebastian took Chris’ hands in his own and when Chris didn’t make a move, he pulled back and looked at Chris. His eyes were shut, and he could see the pink hew high in his cheeks.

“Chris?” Sebastian squeezed at his hands, “Chris what’s wrong.” Sebastian had a bad feeling, maybe something had happened, had someone been hurt? Was he sick?

Chris opened his eyes and looked back into Sebastian’s clear blues. “Nothing, nothing is wrong I just… really needed to see you.” He cleared his throat and tried to swallow the lump that was still threatening to spill over into something more.

Sebastian pulled Chris to him, running his hands up the Chris’ torso and over his shoulders, he laced his fingers in his hair and kissed him deeply. His tongue swirled round his mouth and over his teeth. He felt Chris react and grab on to his waist and thrust his hips to meet Sebastian’s.

There was a lot of fumbling and a few bumps as Sebastian guided them to his bedroom. There was something in the way Chris’ held on to him and kissed him, there was a need and want there that Sebastian’ hadn’t expected. He let him take control, he could feel the emotion emitting from Chris, he still felt that there was something else going on but with Chris assaulting all his senses at once, Sebastian couldn’t stop to ask.

Chris took his time taking off Sebastian’s clothes and kissing every inch of him. His tongue licking along his toned stomach and chest, tasting his skin, every touch burned, and he needed more. He didn’t dare stop, scared he might say something in the heat to the moment. He could feel Sebastian fingers digging into his shoulders and arms as he prepared him, stretching him.

Chris kissed away any whimpers from Sebastian, praising and adoring him. He could feel him melt and pull on Chris for more. When they were both ready Chris looked down at Sebastian, his thumb brushing his lips, he could feel Sebastian’s eyes searching his own, wanting to know everything was ok. It was in that moment with Sebastian, everything else pushed away, just them here and now.

Slowly he fucked Sebastian, his lips never off his, only travelling down his jaw and back. The heat and sweat of their bodies together making the air hard to breath. He could feel Sebastian gripping at his ass and squeezing and guiding it with purpose as when he slowed down. Chris could feel his body shuddering; he wasn’t sure if it was sweat but he felt Sebastian’s hands on his face wiping the wet from his cheek. He heard Sebastian calling his name and grip him but he didn’t stop just kissing him through his orgasm. Chris felt a fire in his gut as he came, he let his hips rock slowly against Sebastian and rested his forehead against his shoulder.

“I got you.” Sebastian whispered.

Chris let go, the lump in his throat, the emotion that had been hanging over him burst and he squeezed his eyes shut as tears stung them.

They lay for a long time, Sebastian holding Chris, his head tucked in against his neck until they both drifted off to sleep.

It felt like a dream when he woke, he could feel the rise and fall of Sebastian’s chest and the soft snore made Chris smile. He had come here for this, this moment of waking up next to Sebastian, to have let go of any worry and to be with the person that made him feel happy.

Feeling that way didn’t come lightly for Chris, he knew there were a lot of obstacles in their way, he knew he was making a mistake with Jenny but he was scared at ending things, he felt it might draw more attention to him if she wasn’t in the picture. If he had a girlfriend no one looked to closely at his personal life. It suited the show, something to hide behind. He couldn’t imagine his life being scrutinised if people knew he was involved with another guy, never mind the fact it was Sebastian.

It wasn’t an excuse though and he knew that. He had only seen a glimpse of what the pretence of his relationship with Jenny was doing to him. They didn’t talk about it but he wasn’t blind or stupid, he was hurting Sebastian and it made him feel sick.

Sebastian murmured something in his sleep and Chris was sure he heard his name. He kissed at his chest and entwined his fingers with Sebastian’s as he woke up.

“Mmmsstime.” Sebastian mumbled.

“I think you are asking the time,” Chris said, he lifted his head to see the clock on the beside table. “A little after noon.”

“Oh god,” Sebastian groaned and ran a hand over his face. “I need to get up.”

“No, I won’t allow it.” Chris said very matter of fact. “You are not allowed to move from this bed.”

Chris moved over Sebastian, straddling his hips, the hand he held pinned down and he grabbed the other and held them there either side of Sebastian’s head.

“Oh really?” Sebastian said thrusting his hips up.

“Nope, you can be my own sex slave.” Chris had kissing down Sebastian’s neck.

“I think I already am.” Sebastian’s tone was half joke and half serious. He smiled up at Chris when he pulled back to look at him.

Chris searched Sebastian’s face, the remark didn’t sit well with him, “You know this isn’t just about sex for me.”

“Tell me that when you aren’t pinning me to a bed.” Sebastian joked and rolled his hips.

Chris rolled off Sebastian and lay beside him, he ran a hand up and over Sebastian’s breaded cheek and pulled him till they were eye to eye.

“I… I uh haven’t told you yet.” Chris cleared his throat, “I have a meeting with a casting director in New York for a play.”

Sebastian’s eyebrows shot up, “Broadway?”

“Yeah,” Chris said.

“That is amazing Chris.” Sebastian pulled himself up on his elbow, his smile broad. “When is it the meeting?”

Chris smiled back, the unease he felt slipping away. “In two weeks.” He gave out a big breath, “Nervous.”

Sebastian chuckled, “You don’t need to be, you’ll be great. How long would the run be for?”

“Well it’s one of the things we’ll discuss at the meeting but it might mean I have to miss a few promotional things for the next Avengers movie, but it is worth missing it for an opportunity like this. Right?” Chris said looking to Sebastian.

“Of course, it is.” Sebastian bent forward and kissed Chris.

“You know what else it means?” Chris purred into his lips.

“What?” Sebastian said through his kisses.

“We’ll be able to see each other a lot more.” Chris said feeling almost as excited about the prospect of seeing Sebastian daily.

“Right,” Sebastian said pulling back, “Sure, I mean I don’t know what my schedule will be round that time but, yeah of course.” A smile was there but Chris felt something was off with Sebastian.

“We’ll be in the same city at least.” Chris said.

Sebastian started getting up from the bed, “Let’s not waste time while you are here now. Let’s get out and get something to eat and get a coffee, I have to get a present for tonight.”

Chris wasn’t listening, he was just watching, he felt deflated and he could feel an anxiety begin to creep in. He knew Sebastian was being cautious and he had every right to be. Chris wished he hadn’t said anything, he didn’t want to presume anything, but he couldn’t make any plans either and he knew that was his fault.

Chris watched Sebastian from the bed, he could just see him though the bathroom door, stood in front of the mirror, pulling and teasing at his hair. A smile played on Chris’ lips; he could watch Sebastian all day. It was a little things that gave him that smile and the ache in his chest, like the nervous way he would run his hand through his hair or slightly surprised look he had when he read something for the first time. Or the way he kept tugging at the small grey patch in his beard.

“It’s cute, stop it.” Chris had said coming up behind him and holding him with a hand to his chest.

“Is it distinguished?” Sebastian asked raising an eyebrow.

Chris had lent forward and ran kisses down the nape of Sebastian’s neck, “It’s sexy.”

Sebastian could feel Chris’ hardening cock against his ass. He had to stop himself from pushing back and encouraging him.

“Chris.”

“Mmmm.” Chris moaned in to the soft skin of Sebastian’s shoulder.

“Chris, we are going out.” Sebastian tried to keep his voice steady as Chris’ hand travelled down his chest to his crotch. “Lunch, coffee, shopping. Chris.” Sebastian warned.

Chris looked back over at Sebastian in the mirror. “What?” He said widening his stance and pushing his thighs against the back of Sebastian’s and gave a little thrust. He could see he had Sebastian where he wanted him especially when he groaned as he wrapped his fingers round Sebastian’s cock. He gave him a few teasing strokes and a wicked smile.

“Fuck.” Sebastian gave in and pushed his ass back against Chris.

Chris growled as he ran a hand down between his ass cheeks and pressed a finger into Sebastian. When Sebastian bucked back and welcomed him Chris pulled out and spat into his hand, he smeared the spit over the head of his own cock that was already leaking, he did it again and then rubbed the head of his cock against Sebastian’s ass. He slowed down the movement on Sebastian’s cock and kissed behind Sebastian’s ear.

“Just tell me baby. I’ll stop.” Chris said in a reassuring tone.

Sebastian looked back in the mirror at Chris, his knuckles were white holding on to the counter. “Fuck me. Now.” Sebastian said without any hesitation.

Chris could feel the burn in his thighs as he pushed himself inside Sebastian. He pressed his forehead against Sebastian’s back and taking a deep breath, he had to control himself otherwise he’d be done in seconds. Sebastian didn’t give him that chance though. Taking hold of Chris’ stilled hand that was on this cock he encouraged Chris to move. Chris grabbed on to Sebastian’s waist and began thrusting into him.

Chris watched as Sebastian’s face contorted in the mirror, his teeth clenched, then panting and little a smile creeping in. It just made Chris fuck him faster. The sound of their skin slapping together and the moans from Sebastian, Chris head was spinning he was going to lose control.

“Chris please, fuck I’m close.” Sebastian panted.

Chris gave few deep thrusts and growled in Sebastian’s ear, “Look at me, I want to see you come.”

Sebastian locked eyes with him in the mirror and let out a shout, thrusting into Chris hand, come shooting out over the cabinet in front of him. Chris couldn’t hold on any longer, he let a roar rip through him as he came filling Sebastian. Panting he let his head rest on the Sebastian’s sweat glistened shoulder. He pressed a few lazy kisses to his skin and pulled out. He held on to Sebastian’s chest trying to keep the both up right.

After a minute Chris looked back at Sebastian in the mirror. “What were you saying?”

“I have no idea.” Sebastian laughed.

\--

It was after lunch and their trip round a couple of shops had been uneventful, it was maybe that that had spurred Chris on without thought when Sebastian suggested one of his favourite quiet coffee shops on the way back to his apartment. While Sebastian was up at the counter Chris took a seat off to the side away from prying eyes. He felt while they were moving no one would notice them that much but sitting he felt like they were sitting ducks, waiting for someone to recognise them or take a picture.

“Stop it.” Sebastian said placing two cups on the table and taking a seat opposite Chris. “You need to relax, what are you expecting? We are just two friends having a coffee. They don’t know you thinking about sucking my dick later.”

That made Chris laugh, “How did you know?”

“You always are.” Sebastian smiled back.

Chris could feel himself blush, “How did this even happen.” He asked not really looking for an answer.

“You mean?”

“Us.” Chris said, his hand that rested on the table nudged against Sebastian’s, he wanted to hold it, squeeze it, press it to his lips but he let his finger just gently skim over it.

Sebastian watched Chris for a moment before pulling his hand off the table, he looked down at his coffee. Chris could see Sebastian biting something back, a hard smile on his face softened.

“I don’t know.” Sebastian said before trying to change the subject. “What about tonight?”

“Seb…” Chris gave him a questioning look, but he felt too exposed to push it where they were.

“I have this engagement party for one of my best friends tonight, do you fancy it.” Sebastian asked looking at Chris over his coffee cup.

“I don’t know, wouldn’t I be in the way?” Chris shrugged.

“It’s a party Chris.”

“I know but I don’t want to intrude.”

Sebastian put his cup down and leaned in his voice low, “Is because you don’t want people to ask questions as to why you are here? Or is it that you are scared someone will find out you are here with me?”

Chris didn’t say anything, he couldn’t look at Sebastian because he knew he was right, it was both reasons. Mainly, it was the last reason and he knew he couldn’t say any different.

Sebastian sat back in his chair; the question answered. “I’m not missing this Chris, it’s my best friend.”

“I know, I wouldn’t ask you to.” Chris sighed, “I’m sorry.”

Sebastian never said anything he just drank his coffee and they let the silence fall between them.

Back at Sebastian’s apartment Chris sat pretending to read his book while really watching Sebastian move about the apartment, taking out a shirt and jeans and leaving them on the bed, wrapping a gift for his friend and messaging people about the party and it all made Chris jealous. Sebastian seemed so content in himself and relaxed knowing he was going out with friends. Chris however felt wound up and irritated. He went over the reasons in his head why he didn’t take Sebastian up on the offer of joining him for the party. Sebastian was right in that it was just a friend’s party and Chris was his friend and he happened to be in town and wanted to celebrate with them. He wasn’t expecting them to act like a couple, the thought though made Chris breath catch with excitement.

Chris watched as Sebastian nodded along as he mumbled under his breath writing out the card for his friend. Chris jumped as Sebastian’s phone buzzed on the table beside him. He picked it up and got up from his seat, as he passed where Chris was sitting, he let his fingers trail over the back of Chris’ neck. Chris shivered and watched Sebastian retreat to the bedroom. Chris wanted to follow but he could feel his own phone vibrate in his pocket. He looked at it and sighed, there were four missed calls from Jenny. That there was the reason he wasn’t going to go with Sebastian tonight.

Chris made sure Sebastian wasn’t in ear short and returned his missed calls.

“Hey!” Jenny answered, “Where have you been? I’ve been trying to call you all day.”

“Sorry my phone was on silent. Is everything ok?” Chris asked.

“Yeah I was just worried when I couldn’t get hold of you.” Chris could hear the irritation in her voice.

“How’s Dodger?”

“He’s fine, he is here at least.” Jenny said with a huff. “Have you had your meeting yet?”

“It’s tomorrow, I’ve just been prepping.” Chris said hoping his lie was convincing.

“So, what are you doing tonight then?”

Chris paused for a moment not sure how much he wanted to say. “I don’t know, I was thinking I might see if Sebastian is in town, maybe get a catch up.”

“Sebastian.” Jenny repeated. Chris wasn’t sure but it made him feel uneasy they way Jenny said his name like she knew much more, was she trying to catch him out with something?

“Yeah, you remember…”

“I know who Sebastian is.” Jenny’s tone was short. “He’s a nice guy.”

“Yeah one of the best.” Chris felt himself suddenly defensive not knowing where this was going.

“Say hi to him for me.” She said.

“I will… If I see him, that is.” Chris bit his tongue to make sure he didn’t say anything he didn’t mean to.

“Sure, _if_ you see him.” Jenny sighed. “I better take Dodger out.”

“Okay, I’ll give you a message later.” Chris said.

“I love you Chris.” Jenny said, her tone was almost pleading, just a reminder of how she felt.

Chris pressed his fingers into his eyes, “Love you too.” The words felt empty and he felt guilty even saying them. “Bye.” He ended the call.

Chris sat for a moment before he heard Sebastian clear his throat behind him. He turned around and his stomach dropped, something in the look in Sebastian’s face broke his heart. He could see he was just trying to act like it was nothing but there was a sadness at what he had overheard.

“I’m just going to jump in the shower.” Sebastian motioned over his shoulder towards the bathroom.

“Seb… about tonight.” Chris started.

“Dan is coming over for a drink before we head out…” Sebastian said cutting Chris off.

“Oh…” Chris said.

“I don’t know what you’re plans are.” Sebastian shrugged.

Chris stood up and looked round, “I hadn’t arranged a hotel or anything, but I can go if that’s what you want.”

Sebastian shook his head, “No Chris it’s not what I want.” Sebastian turned to leave and then turned back. “You can stay but I’m not going to lie to my friend about you being here. If you are here it’s because you are staying with me, it’s not because you just popped round.”

Chris nodded, “Okay.”

“I’m sick of lying to my friends and family Chris.” He could see there was an understanding there for Chris. “I’m not going tell them we are sleeping together, but I’m not going to lie about you being here or hid the fact you are, I wouldn’t do that if we were just hanging out so I’m not going to do it now.” Sebastian let out a shaky breath, Chris was sure that there was so much more that Sebastian wanted to say but he didn’t push him.

“Okay I’m here to see you and I don’t care who knows that.” Chris confirmed.

“Okay.” Sebastian turned to leave.

“What about the party?” Chris called after him.

“That is up to you.” Sebastian called back.

Chris had showered after Sebastian and got into the smartest thing he had tucking in his bag, a blue plaid shirt and jeans. When he came out of the bathroom, he felt more nervous than he had in a long time. It was worse than a first date feeling. Sebastian had been busy fixing his watch and picking out a jacket when Chris caught his eye. He audibly inhaled. It wasn’t that Chris was dressed up to the nines or that this was the first time he’d seen him get ready for a night out; it was that he was doing it for him. Sebastian couldn’t stop the smirk from crossing his face at the little nervous look Chris gave him. Sebastian would be lying if he said he didn’t want to just rip Chris’ clothes off now and stay in bed all night.

“Check you out.” Sebastian gave a low whistle that made Chris blush.

Chris fiddled with his cuffs, something to occupy his jangling nerves. Sebastian took his hand and finished buttoning it for him.

“Thank you.” Chris said pressing a kiss to Sebastian’s lips.

Sebastian let his arms circle round Chris’ waist, “Thank you for changing your mind about tonight.”

“Is this technically our first date?” Chris said holding Sebastian.

“I don’t think us going out with twenty other people counts as a first date.” Sebastian said raising an eyebrow, “You should maybe take me out for dinner on my own first.” Sebastian let his hands slip into the back pocket of Chris’ jeans and squeezed his ass.

Chris groaned, “Maybe our first outing as a couple then?”

Sebastian dropped his gaze and jumped slightly at the sound of the door buzzer. He let go of Chris quickly and started for the door, “That will be Dan.”

Chris hung back until he heard Dan come into the apartment. When he went to join them, he saw Dan stop in suddenly.

“Hey Chris, man what a surprise what are you doing here?” Dan said shaking Chris’ hand.

Before Chris could reply Sebastian answered, “I thought I told you, Chris was staying for a couple of days.”

“Meeting a casting director and Seb, was in town so couldn’t miss my chance to catch up.” Chris said looking between them both and Sebastian gave him a little smile.

“Well no better way to meet everyone, should be a good night.” Dan said looking back at Sebastian. “You might be the guy to help me get our boy Sebby hooked up tonight.”

“What?” Sebastian said handing them both a glass.

“You remember that girl I introduced you to that worked on the ad campaign last month.” Dan said, “You know the photographer, I got you tickets for her show?”

“Oh yeah,” Sebastian seemed to squirm, flashing quick looks at Chris.

“Well she is coming tonight, and I told her you would be there.” Dan looked to Chris, “This guy has been single so long, I’m starting to worry.”

Chris forced a smile; he could see Sebastian was going red and his own jealousy at the thought of Sebastian being set up with anyone was kicking in. “I’m sure this guy would have no problem meeting someone if he was looking.”

“You’d think right?” Dan slapped Sebastian on the shoulder. “You guys seemed to hit it off, so I mentioned to her about tonight.”

“Great.” Sebastian said taking a drink, he could feel Chris’ eyes on him. The air felt it like it was slowly being sucked out of the room.

“How are things with you Chris?” Dan asked as the room got quiet.

“I’m good Dan,” He gave him a smile. “This girl, what makes her so right for Seb here?

Sebastian gave Chris a look and shook her head, “Chris…”

Dan looked between Chris and Sebastian feeling the atmosphere changing. “Erm well, she is beautiful, well travelled, and they have loads in common.”

“She sounds nice Sebastian; Dan is doing a good job here.” Chris tone was sarcastic as he threw the rest of his drink back.

“Chris, don’t…” Sebastian could tell Chris now had an idea in his head and we wasn’t going to let it lie. He knew there was a streak of Chris that was jealous by nature. It was one of the reasons he never elaborated on nights out, Chris’ insecurities would build small things up in to much bigger issues that didn’t exist.

“Here I am worrying you are here alone, but Dan is setting you up every weekend.” His words came out short.

“No,” Sebastian bit back, “That is not what is happening.” Sebastian tried to keep his tone in check.

Chris rolled the glass in his hand not looking at Sebastian or Dan, he took a couple of deep breaths.

“It’s not like that.” Dan offered trying to dispel the tension.

“Shut up Dan!” Chris said firmly.

“Hey!” Sebastian shout. Chris dropped his head; he knew he’d gone too far.

“I’m sorry Dan, I…” Chris shook his head. Feeling like an idiot.

“No harm man.” He raised his hands defensively. “I think I’ll go grab a cab.” When no one replied he excused himself.

“Seb…”

“No! No Chris!” Sebastian was filled with anger. He couldn’t bite back anymore. “You don’t get to fucking do that!”

“You are dating people?” Chris countered.

“No, I’m not, I meet people all the time Chris and nothing happens!” Sebastian starting clenching and unclenching his fists trying to keep calm. He could feel his blood boiling, a sweat travelling all over him.

“For the last year I have hidden who I am and this big revelation in my life from my friends and family and it all because of you.” Sebastian burst. “I have cancelled things, missed celebrations and been on own because of you.”

Chris went to say something, but Sebastian shut him down.

“You don’t think my friends are worried about me, acting differently and avoiding things? They are trying to make me happy; they are trying to fix what they think is wrong. You don’t get to be jealous and talk to them like that.”

“Us seeing each other doesn’t make you happy?” Chris asked.

“Us?” Sebastian asked incredulously. “Us?” He shook his head, “There is no _us_ Chris.” As the words came out it felt a deep pain burst in his chest. He had felt it for so long but had been so scared of what he was going to lose, so he swallowed it back every time.

“There is a you and Jenny and then there is me.” Sebastian could see the tears in Chris’ eyes, but he couldn’t stop he needed to get it out in the open.

“You don’t know what you want Chris and I can’t be that crutch anymore.” Sebastian sighed. “It’s been a fucking year. I have been there; I’ve been as understanding as I can but, I’m no more than a fuck to you.” He could see Chris flinch at his words.

“No Seb.” Chris stepped forward, the tears falling down his cheeks. Sebastian stepped away keep the distance between them.

“Chris, all the gestures you make, that’s all they are, something to appease your guilty conscience at the time but they mean nothing.” Sebastian’s voice broke. His body was shaking, and he could feel the tears spilling over on to his own cheeks.

“No Seb,” Chris shook his head, “You can’t think that all the times we have been together have meant nothing?”

“What about all the times you are with her?” Sebastian spat out his words. “Do they mean something?”

“That is not fair, you knew…” Chris threw his arms out in frustration. “You knew.”

Sebastian put his head in his hands and looked at the floor. “Yeah I knew Chris.” He wiped the tears from his face, “I just never knew I would fall for you like this and now I have to walk away before I get hurt anymore.” Sebastian looked back at Chris.

Chris tried again to approach Sebastian, but he put a hand out, “Please don’t do this.” Chris begged.

“You have done this Chris, not me. You have buried your head in the sand and thought nothing would change.” Sabastian ran his hands through his hair. “Then coming here acting like there is nothing wrong, dangling all these things in front of me that are empty promises, first dates and being a couple?”

Sebastian could see Chris begin to close down and his defences come up, his tears dried up as he nodded along with Sebastian’s words. Sebastian felt sick. He had bottled up so much over the last few months and he couldn’t keep it in anymore.

“Okay.” Was all Chris said.

Sebastian felt a dread as Chris moved past him towards the bedroom. He heard him collect his things and head to the door. He wanted to shout back, to tell him not to go and talk to him make this better.

Sebastian turned as Chris paused at the door not looking at Sebastian. “This wasn’t just a fling for me Seb, you need to know that.” Chris took a breath to steady himself closed the door behind him.


End file.
